Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
