my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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