Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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