Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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