I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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