What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
