You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
