I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
