i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
