I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
