Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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