I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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