Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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