she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
