I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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