He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We left an ass print on the piano.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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