I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
