Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
