scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
