Non-Jews are for practice
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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