Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
