I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
