I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
only if we run a train.
done.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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