There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
