You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Found the puke drawer
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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