I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My dad just said "fuck circus"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
