just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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