What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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