"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Will you blow on my dice?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
