I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize