just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
