I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I did not marry a roomba.
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