i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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