Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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