you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
