True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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