Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
