thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
