Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
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I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I deserve this hangover.
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