i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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