Where is the hickey?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
