It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
