He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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