hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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