3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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