thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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