I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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