so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
