If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
