you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
