had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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