So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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