I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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