It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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