you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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