brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
