I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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