My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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