No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
