Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
