Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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