If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
