I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
