my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
