So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
