Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression

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(302): View more from Delaware

I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn

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(410): View more from Maryland

Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(989): View more from Michigan

i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.

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(360): View more from Washington

There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.

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(970): View more from Colorado

My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.

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(480): View more from Arizona

What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?

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