Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
