Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
