Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.

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  (248): Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too. http://tfl.nu/c23w
  Replies (9) Good night (2396) Bad night (792)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date

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  (413): He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date http://tfl.nu/21qw
  Replies (58) Good night (1174) Bad night (5688)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.

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  (203): We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won. http://tfl.nu/1h1c
  Replies (39) Good night (9223) Bad night (950)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.

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  (630): I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti. http://tfl.nu/166m
  Replies (21) Good night (1188) Bad night (6642)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.

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  (612): I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick. http://tfl.nu/mxvd
  Replies (10) Good night (943) Bad night (2933)
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  (562): View more from California

  Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.

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  (562): Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont. http://tfl.nu/ey1g
  Replies (14) Good night (813) Bad night (3418)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.

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  (507): Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss. http://tfl.nu/1ntp
  Replies (10) Good night (5304) Bad night (877)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs

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  (817): I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs http://tfl.nu/vj8z
  Replies (11) Good night (4770) Bad night (959)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha

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  (206): "Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha http://tfl.nu/1j7y
  Replies (10) Good night (2990) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.

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  (631): He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims. http://tfl.nu/mqeu
  Replies (16) Good night (2429) Bad night (742)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.

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  (201): I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man. http://tfl.nu/58ag
  Replies (7) Good night (280) Bad night (856)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.

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  (617): My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag. http://tfl.nu/a3yi
  Replies (4) Good night (495) Bad night (469)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals

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  (413): He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals http://tfl.nu/hgzz
  Replies (4) Good night (965) Bad night (425)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave

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  (304): I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave http://tfl.nu/i4i9
  Replies (2) Good night (628) Bad night (209)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.

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  (304): I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol. http://tfl.nu/oqf8
  Replies (0) Good night (294) Bad night (194)

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