It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.†
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive‚Ä¶ Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?