it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"