u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
