As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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