I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
