my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
