first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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