are you so shy because you have an std?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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