So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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