No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
