I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
